A Farewell Letter to Joe Biden

I'm Sure He'll Remember...

Dear Joe,

In as long as I’ve been doing this, this is the first time I could’ve actually written it before the election even happened. Nonetheless, this is my farewell letter to you as President. In case you forgot, and you likely did, you were President. For the past four years, in fact. I realize you may not know that and I may’ve just made your day. For what it’s worth, you weren’t a very good one.

I try to be fair with these, so I start off with the good. You had some reasonable appointments, you even had some good ones. Lina Khan is an amazing part of the FTC, and while you may not even know who she is, the buck still stops with you, so kudos for that. You also delivered on a Net Neutrality FCC, even though it took you 3 years to do so (Trump appointed his FCC in the first few weeks). Also, the IRA, while grossly inefficient and a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of what we needed, was better than absolutely nothing at all. I guess. The drilling ban on your way out the door was something, though we both know full well the incoming administration will turn that around as soon as they can.

I’ll give this to ya Joe, you are the most coddled politician I’ve ever seen. I honestly don’t know why, are you really that likable in the beltway? As I’m writing this, my city is on fire. Per usual, you’ve been grossly insufficient and when asked about it babbled about how you’re a Great Grandfather now. You’ve reached the point where “pretending to give a shit” is a bridge too far. Your sycophants still made excuses for you. We didn’t know the context, or some bullshit. Even at the end of your stellar 2024 run, when you weren’t even able to string together a sentence to the point of being manhandled by a racist gameshow host in a debate, even then, you still had cultists who thought you were fit for the task at hand. Those of us based in reality wondered if you were still able to dress yourself.

You’ve been on the wrong side of nearly everything your entire career. You were a segregationist, never saw a war you didn’t like, got humiliated in prior Presidential runs, were anti-choice and anti-LGBTQ until you weren’t because your party said so, you used your dead son as a backdrop against Universal Healthcare (and it’ll never hit you how absolutely ghoulish that is), but hey, it’s just a stutter.

I think it is likely you will be remembered fondly as President. You’ll be remembered as good old Amtrak Joe (ironic since you busted a rail strike), and there will be pictures of you marching on one of the handful of days you cosplayed as a friend to the working class. You’ll be coddled til the very end.

At this point in your life, however old you are, don’t know, don’t care, you’re probably thinking about how you’re going to be remembered and what you’ll leave behind. I mean, besides your moron son who baffles science by inexplicably being the strongest sperm. So, I want you to know that some of us, maybe even more than I realize, know your true legacy.

Your legacy is a genocide. Your legacy is the brutal destruction of Gaza and the deaths of countless innocents. Your legacy will be denying the American people a transformational Presidency. Your legacy is a decaying country and climate. Your legacy is putting capitalism above public health. Your legacy is a long list of broken promises except for “nothing will fundamentally change”. Your legacy is the Iraq War. Your legacy is the Crime Bill. Your legacy is giving us Trump a second time.

While it’s impossible to pick one person to blame for allowing Donald Trump to slither his way back into the White House with a clown car of goons somehow even more repulsive than the first time, if I had to blame one, I’d blame you. Had you kept one of your many broken promises and not run for re-election, your uninspired, rudderless shell of a party would have at least had a pretend primary. Had that happened, maybe, just maybe, the American people wouldn’t have been force fed Kamala Harris, a politician about as popular as a forest fire, and maybe whatever blank suit would’ve made it out of the sewer first to be the nominee would’ve been mildly less putrid than the guy you beat in 2020. Technically, he beat himself, but why split hairs?

My one hope is that politicians like you are becoming a thing of the past. You’re everything that’s wrong with American politics: Corporate controlled, mind up for sale, no principles or goals except get more power, gaslight the people to believe they should be thankful for the scraps, be a cool guy people in the beltway like and you’ll stick around and move up. It’s a gas. It’s a racket. It used to at least be mildly entertaining but even that’s not the case anymore. Sadly though, there’s a new generation of puppets waiting for Comcast-sponsored strings to fill your shoes.

Many speculate your health. I have no idea what’s wrong with you, but I think it’s safe to say something’s up. You’re not well. I have the same message for you that you had for my generation and the one after mine: “I have no empathy”.

Bye. Done.

—Ron Placone